Moonlights Music and Flowers

it is the 12th Gloria passed on this date last year I miss her more than i thought i ever would –  Saw the flowers out at the market a couple of days ago — think i am going to plant them this year she like petunias we always made an annual trek to the local farmers market and stocked up for the season came home and planted in 2 yards front AND back “flowered” the place UP for the warm temps –  it was HER thing — which she got me hooked on – last year after she had passed  around april I convinced my husband to go with me to the market we came home with stuff for the vegy garden and flowers in honor of — 🙂  it was rainy that morning – 🙂 had breakfast out and then wandered around the market talking of mom and buying i planted a rose bush in my bed out back in honor of her love for us – she is missed and not forgotten greatly loved by all those who new her.Image

Yes I am up ::::

Ok i heard her (Dakota Moon) barking at the door wanting out – the “boys” next door have made for a less than restful night for both of us – so while she is out on the porch barking back I am having a required Pb&J after midnight snack –  in my house any time you get up to do the dog duty a pb&J is required before the march back to the bed to wait upon the dawn – even as the earth moves and the light is quickly coming back across our domain it still has the chill of winter around me – I can tell that the seasons are close to there swap in the evening it was still light at 6 p  the last couple of months it has been total dark by then – and of course the clocks will have to be changed sigh but for tonight that is not to be –  my dog is now back inside sleeping on the chair beside me the crew outdoors has quieted down maybe sleep will come for me as well; I can hope- off in the cold dark distance I hear an owl making his call – reminding me that even though the clocks in my home say AM it is still dark and very much his domain – So as I retreat to my  darkened room and the slumber i hope will arrive soon I think on the warm days to come and the things I will do to fill the added hours of day light as I rejoice in the knowledge that the electric lights won’t matter as much…..

Well the snow is almost all gone —

Hard to believe it was less than 2 weeks ago that we had snow and weather guys saying watch out watch out lol IF you don’t like the weather wait 10 mins it will change –  It was in the 60’s again today — Good grief noticed today I have green buds fighting there way out on my rose bushes just outside my windows – So it happens again – the earth moves the sun rises and sets;  The moon drifts  through its phases and we have warm weather again —  sigh –   Is it too soon to start thinking of my garden ?   hmmm with it not even being march yet ?   I say yes —- but as  I look at my calendar and realize how close I am truly to Spring I wonder — Not being one who ever wanted to rush much of anything lol   I do have a tendency to go through seed a catalog’s and the flower books and magazines  and pick out allot more stuff than what I will ever have time to do or space to be really fees-able for me;  Granted I do have almost 3 acre’s total But do I really want to weed that much?  That is truly the biggest question —  and yes I will admit having gardens that would rival the Chinqua Penn Plantation  is a great dream but I alas don’t have enough knowledge or money or skill to do that much – sigh but what a dream – lol instead I have 2 flower beds, One with a bird feeder in it and flowers for humming birds and butterfly’s  — and a separate row that has bulbs in it out front that will have shade in the evenings  and a vegetable garden that by my own admission has done pretty well the last few years  with what has been chosen for it —-  Found out cantaloupe does real well in this awful clay soil –   lol and the Roma lettuce I started planting for my bearded dragon when you don’t watch it real  close takes off like a weed and will come up pretty much any where it pleases – Yes it does seem like I have so much to do – Even though I admittedly  have less to do this year than what I have had in some ways from years past –  I also know that I have some things I really need to get on a plate some how and get moving on just to help satisfy my own private goals and ambitions my private souls quest that no one but me knows of –  So as I gather my tools about me – and find the seeds I have been saving from the harvest of last year here we go again –  Looking forward to another bountiful harvest of many types for body mind and soul .

Long Over Due Appointment DONE

I made it to the dentist today — The appointment had been set and reset not by me mind you but thanks to the gods and lords of winter  — Sigh was not a nice time had a major panic attack complete with crying – sigh great way to meet the new guy at the office – This appointment I was warned about back in August and then kinda delayed going — Then bout a week ago when the  cold air really hit — my whole jaw line on one side hurt – lightly getting bumped by my beloved pup and kitty hurt; So I bit the bullet and went in — But somewhere in the process I forgot that I was going to have it pulled I thought it was just up for option didn’t remember being told it would be pulled DEFINITELY but maybe it is better that the little tidbit got forgotten by me – Cause I surely would have set at home and counted down each second and had a slow very painful emotionally berating meltdown —-  the upside is the McRibb I saw on the McDonald’s board I wisely past by i hate to think how bad I would have done if I had the large lunch I really was telling myself i wanted— After my ordeal I came home to pain killers water and applesauce <sigh> not exactly what I wanted I was told no extremes of cold or hot for 24 hrs passed on the news to hubby he said “your going to die” that means no coffee ;   <wonder how late he will stay out before dragging himself home  lol

Yeah and I will be a BITCH too dear one — Mama ain’t happy without her coffee; specially NOT in the A.M.  lol  But we have been married past 30 years he should already know that now right ?    

accidential overdose my foot :::: suicide by drugs REALITY ( & yes i have been in a few rooms)

Just another ADDICT ::::: NOTHING ELSE MATTERED BUT THE NEXT HIGH – Suicide by a moment of pleasure — IF he had survived and gone to a “meeting” he would have been greeted with welcome back here is your START OVER CHIP :: and from that moment NOTHING ELSE would matter — the next day, the next week, the next month, 90 days, 6 months, YEAR so forth the amount of time he spent sober/ clean does not matter in the community or real life; Beyond a few encouraging words  Look you did it; You can do it that is the proof but beyond that it don’t matter — It is sad that our addictions can really do us in — and the sad truth is he chose that instead of his life ::: his successes ::: HE chose DEATH ::: Your either a recovering addict — or an ACTIVE addict — but in this case the moment you choose any drug or drink over ::: a job, family, real relationships; a home; a peaceful healthy living environment honest hard won successes::: your an addict — There are a lot of addictions in this world – and some of them can kill you/ or your relationships ( even addictions to food, drink, money, shopping even gambling (lottery tickets bought to the point of you can’t get food or gas or medicines pay bills) — If you choose to allow it to do so ::: my biggest question would have been you had great success why did you CHOOSE to go back to the life of an ACTIVE addict —- (some folks get sober / clean and decide they can handle it — and go back ) But reality it is like being allergic to peanuts, chocolate, IF you knew eating chocolate could put you in a comma ? Would you eat a 10 lb box of candy ? I mean really folks wake up — & Yes the flip side to my anguish is we have lost a great talent someone who can not be replaced ::: But folks he chose his exit :::So  Don’t sugar coat it to make yourself feel better — Or to try to make it easier —- Cause the truth is drugs/ addictions can kill— and very often Do —- You make the choices what is more important to you?   If you have a problem seek out help; If you are thinking of going back even for a moment call a sponsor, clergy, a help line because guess what- it isn’t worth it and you may not make it back out again ;    — Be the success story someone living may need; Not the warning from a grave for those looking for a way out; You are the only one who can choose to continue to make it —-

The week is over yeppie

IT has been a tough one very long  i have been 3 days ahead so for me today was sunday lol   I thought it was Wed on Monday  sigh—-    I was sore today from the Y  yesterday starting to get adjusted to the workouts and sleeping better because of them —-  have a class I am going to check out tomorrow (if i don’t forget it )   lol – Next real class is Tues – Superbowl is Sunday —   🙂     

I have on the weather right now — our temps for tomorrow will be above normal tomorrow — after being below normal for the last couple of days —–   up and down feels like a yo yo —- just like a yo yo —–   (Sorry Osmond Brothers song started up) ;p   yes I admit it I listened to the COOL groups lol  

Even though the kids I hung out with didn’t know that at the time lol sigh there loss 🙂  

My plans for tomorrow besides the Y ?   farmers market, read the paper, get wash done My  normal Saturday 🙂 think i am having leftovers tomorrow hopefully LOTS of fresh vegies